exams exams exams... amagad exams starts tml... oh well i think i'll make it thru, life has been tuff... pretty crappy at times thou... but hey i guess thats life... man nothing really interesting has happend since i last blogged... same old routine shlt... day in day out doing the same thing... now how i wished there was something interesting that would happen...

hmm... been a long time since i last blogged sia... sho much has happend since... skool has been hectic... i've been sick... load of crappy shlt all over man... everything ish over between me n her man... all over... that was the last straw man... pretty fucked up shlt man, who da fuck u think you are? some spoilt princess? wtf man couldn't you even reply? asking for alil help in mah studies too much to ask? wtf man some fwen you are... what a whole load of fucking bullshlt man... dun ever wanna fucking see you again man... FUCK OFF BITCH! damm u really are real sucker. an eye for an eye... u betray me once i betray u once, den we're square. until den we arent even... better watch ur back, dont let me find an opening or you'll fucking suffer lyk hell...

fantastic sunday? haha not quite actually... was @ my 2nd home in the afternoon for my grandfather's death anniversary.. yeah hey grandpops! how is it in heaven??? haha i'll see you up there when my time is up! oh yeah, god is great man... he changed me into someone new just like that man... wow... haha :) well she had an accident todae :( but thank god no one was hurt!!!! :) amen to that!! haha praise the lord :) god is gracious and merciful, that was a perfect example of that :) god could have just ended everything there and then, but he did not :) haha i'm sho full of happiness! the thought of just worshipping god day in day out i just sho amazing! haha... i'm not hurt and sad anymore! cos god took it all away!!! yay!

WOOT! I am sooooooooo happy!!! life is good life is good... i feel like a new person again! wow god is great! today's service was great, fantastic, marvelous! simply great! wow it sure does feel great to be back once more. haha things maybe not bode well but with god i trust everything in his hands... everything i will let go into god's hand... no more will i take things into my own hands... i'm sorry if i might seemed alil cold, but i trust in god more den anything else. no more will i live by the flesh but from now on live by the spirit. god is gracious and merciful. :) awesome day its been! sunday will be even greater! :)

wah i'm still damm sick... on and off fever... but its okay, easy does it :) hmm... been trying to reach her the whole dae but to no avail... by now anyother ordinary person would have gone wild... but no i'm still must stay cool and not jump to wrong conculsions. althou its prolly staring @ me in the face le... i choose to believe that god is faithful and will not do something like this to me... its the devil who seeks to waver my faith, but it shall not falter. wounded and beaten down, i'll still keep my faith to the very last breath... for god is gracious and merciful. more trials and tribulations shall come, and with each trial and tribulation i conquer i shall be stronger than ever. Have no fear and walk in the light! "Fear hinders Faith, where there is Fear there can be no Faith." If i was meant to suffer so many trials n tribulations so be it, for at the end i will finally find sanctuary... and there is no greater feeling than that.


A world so full of sins and temptations, even fellow christians have fallen right before my very eyes and even now i continue to witness fellow christians doing things against the very teachings of the bible itself. People who are close to me have done such things... but its okay i do not hate but i love them still, god will eventually bring these people back to light. in the mean while if i have to suffer injustice i will gladly do so, for god is gracious.

my faith shall not falter! thru god i shall become even more faithful than before thru hes mercy and grace i have been saved... thru hes light i am finding my way out of darkness.... thru hes strength i can break the bonds of sins... because of god, i can finally defy the flesh... for living by the flesh is sin itself and i choose to live by the spirit even if it cost me dearly i will still walk and hold the cross high... for at the end of the long hard road, god will be waiting to reward me with everlasting life... and i shall forever be in the sanctity of god. To be sanctify by god is a marvelous feeling. now i begin to wonder wad is my 2nd gift from god... could it be the gift of love? 1 corinthians 13:4-5 says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
how wonderful love really is... but it is a pity that people in the world does not know what it really means...

WOOT! Life is great! its been tough in recent times but i really appreciated those times because it really allowed me to get close to god once more and that was simply fantastic i couldn't have asked for more :) god is great all the time! god has really showed me the light and now i'm happy that i can finally walk with him once more, no matter what happens i'll always walk with him and him with me. the road ahead will surely be filled with trials and tribulations but remembering 1 corinthians 13:7 "it always protects, it always trust, it always hopes, it always persevers." will surely get me thru everything, god's love for me is strong and so shall mine be. i am greatful to brother chuan, he's the one who introduced me to sooo many new friends! people like dorcas, richard,joel,brenden,xiaowei,liping,brenda and last but not least kenrus!!! (well err.. pardon me if i've forgotten the rest :p) wow its been such a great time spending time with them and getting to know god better thru them! once i thought all was lost, now i see a reason to continue :) my faith and love will be my engine and god will keep my engine going! haha well things have been going good so far with me n baby, and i'm still praying hard and believing that god will bring us back together! YES I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!!! and yes! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE!!!! :)

woot! i feel shooooo happy even thou things arent that great and shlt all happening, but look on the bright side of life and things wun seem so bad! wahaha... i may get pinned down but i'll never give up... i'll always fight on and on... those who give up will never get wad they want... seeking out god's wisdom is always the best! do not do things rashly without consulting him :)

a world so cold and dark, life isnt always as it was meant to be... things just doesnt seem to look good... everything just seem so negative, everything is against the poor prince... but still he chooses to ride against all odds... wave after wave pushing, hindering him... still he forges on ahead, looking for that princess he lost... bleeding, crying, wounded he is giving hes all to forge ahead, will he die trying or will he finally find hes princess whom he lost and be with her forever and ever? in these dark times who will come and aid the poor prince? is he really alone forging on in the darkness before him? all that he leaves behind are tears of blood... life has been hard, and now its even harder... obstacles after obstacles... 1 heartbreak... 1 life... 1 mission... the prince is definately in no shap to carry on and he'll die trying, this i know... all hope seems lost, but hes will forges him on... the will to die trying... the will to see hes princess... the will to never give up althou all seems lost... the will to fight on against all odds... ultimately hes undying love for hes princess...

he cries for her, but often hes left alone in the darkness to find her. blind and tormented he walks... calling out for hes princess... will she ever hear him? will she ever return to him? or will she go back to that hideous monstrosity.. ever so violent and abusive... or will she listen to that person so consumed by insanity? with all these odds the prince has everything against him.
I pray with all my heart, soul and faith that the prince will succeed eventually.

the prince hobbles on wounded... wondering what is worth fighting and carrying on for... all he sees are just obstacles... hes too tired and weak to carry on... all he wants now is to just sleep forever n ever.. he has been mortally wounded.. time will not heal.. only a miracle will heal hes wounds. thru the darkness he trudges on blindly only w8ing to fall into the end darkness... who will ever come and lift the prince from hes plight? i dont think that anyone would come save tht poor soul

everything thing i've come to knew, love, enjoy, hate will all come to a stop... feeling the blood slowly flowing out from that wound so deep only a miracle would heal it. i feel that i havent got enuff strength left to pull me thru this crisis, but who will be there? no one will... i was destined to be alone, destined to be condemmed by others, destined to suffer and destined to die alone... i am grateful for my existence so far.. but now it should come to a stop it is far long overdue... baby i thank you for everything you have given me... these memories i can atleast take them with me when i go... do not look for me for i will be long gone into another world... my last chapter, my last line, my last words have been written into my life book and such my life book has come to an end.. the world is a cruel place... i've spent my entire life being battered down... but @ long last i can no longer go on any further.. this blow is fatal... i've completely lost the will for everything... even the will to carry on living... and such i'm just but a zombie living on borrowed time.. how i long for when my heart cease to beat.. then everything will be over... all the suffering, all the anger, all the hatred, all the happiness and all the love... @ long last i shall forever be a memory to others... will i no longer be a burden, just a simple memory. My dear natalie i'll always love you... even when i'm no longer around, rest assured i'll always be watching over you where ever you maybe.. this is the end.

woot! i post again! haha been toooo busy to post in recent times man... things been looking good so far... just tht the onli problem is tht *&*^%&#^ fool needs to wake up! doesnt he realised its all over for him? hmm... nvm baby just stand firm and end it with him le... u tried being naise bt he wanna be an asshole... so baby u need to be firm and absolute with him le... maybe using alil hard words will do the trick... i know you dont like to be mean baby... but hes been awfully mean to you... so maybe its time u pay him back. haha today was fantastic towards the end... haha damm boring la 1st half, i completely forgotten i was suppose to have lunch with my grandma.. and ended up promising ppl esp. baby tht i did go church this week... omg sorry guys and baby :( it was my bad for forgetting... luckily this week is just the intro to the alpha course... haha nxt week imma be there! wahahaha this time i'm booked for it! :) well for the 2nd half of e day i was extremely happy! i get to meet my baby!!! woooo shoooo happy :) haha tml imma send baby to skool den w8 for her to finish class den accompany her study! wahaha i think it would be so fun n meaningful :) gonna bring my lappy out tml. haha i'm definately feeling alot better! :)

wah lan... i almost did something which i wasn't supposed to do la... anyways wasn't really a great day for me... well atleast its all going to be over.. what brother chuan says is true.. maybe i shld control myself better... prolly shld just take it to a whole new level where the rich will survive and the poor shall perish... haha omg wad an evil thought.. oh yes oh yes the very thought of it makes me wanna jump for joy... oh looking @ how money can do wonders... well its money that makes people do evil things... maybe thats y most rich people are evil :p. haha i long for the day that fool will crash n burn... when hes got no where to go... right @ the very corner... thousands? wad is thousands when theres millions... lawl the w8 is enuff to kill man... oh well lets hope fri n sat will be good days... days which i can enjoy n be happy... i hope i will not lose the mental battle or i might just go berserk on tht fool... ur lucky fool some1 managed to help ya.. bt it gonna be the last no more will i eva hold back...

yes i'm back @ my usual hour... i'm frustrated... i feel the rage burning inside me... i feel so much hate inside... i feel like thrashing tht &(*^%$ fool who still doesnt want to give up... but i know i cant be so rash... i know its wrong... but yet i feel the urge... which will get the better of me? i do not know... baby will you help me? everytime i see his name hear his name... i feel the anger, the rage, the deep hatred building up wanting to come out... i thought i could but i couldn't... i tried to be nice... i got treated like a fool... i shld have just done what i shld... but no i was too nice... i want to retaliate... i can see myself falling again... wheres god? w8.. i dont deserve god... yes i deserve to be left alone to wither away into nothing bt a memory...

haha looks like i'm posting alil earlier den expected... well i pretty much didnt do anything constructive todae, was in fact feeling very lazy the whole day.. keep wanting to sleep. o.O gonna have lunch tml with lanky josh n elaine @1230.. haha i hope i wun be late.. *yawns* omg so early and i'm yawning again?! man i wonder wads with baby today... one moment she was fine next moment she wasnt fine... i really wonder... prolly call her agian laters and see hows she doing... i the mean while i guess i'm gonna get some sleep i think :p its like no matter how i sleep it always doesn seem enuff... maybe i shld just sleep eternally... prolly be the best thing huh...

hmm... lets see woke up early todae again to fetch baby to skool! haha feel damm sua ku la in NuS like damm out of place sia... look left and right.. the people all like damm hard working type... haha feel abit inferior sia... well thats the reason y they're in NUS and i'm in SIM haha. after tht went to meet up wif mr scott n mr joshua @ management hse to pay for e course... but apparently payment had to be made @ SIM HQ... wtf la y cant they just print in the peice of paper they sent us... or did they? lawl... well baby had to study for her test which is like in afew hours time... so we didnt do anything... went bak to my place she studied i slept... den later in da evening i fetch her down to tpy cos apparently her pops w8ing to pick her up there... man wad a boring night... didnt really feel lyk doing anithing much, went to e hub walk walk see see... hoping to find something nice for baby... heres the best part... baby was sooooo tired and sleepy that she decided to "nap" till 11pm.. haha i called her @ 11pm to wake her up, but apparently she simply couldn't wake up..too tired i guess? i even got scolded for trying to wake her up... :( i guess she was still in the "just wake up state"... haha eventually after many miss calls... she woke up @ 145am... haha well atleast i hope she doesnt goes back to sleep.... hmm... not a very fantastic day i guess...

one hell of a day just past... my sunday spoilt, dad justs knows how to ruin everyone's day early in da morning.. well atleast my special someone managed to cheer me up some how, went over to baby zenith's bdae party, played some mahjong.. didnt win instead i lost the most,basket i didnt even have the opportunity to win back la... wad a crap day rite? nvm after da partey i sent baby home, well she looked pretty tired and was like sleeping thru the journey back. well when i was on my wae back, i called her and somehow she sounded pretty sian... like just tio scolded or smth lykdat la, i asked her abt it and guess wad... it was tht #%@$ fool who for no apprent reason scolded her.. like wtf la com'on man its over move on dude... ur like old enuff to think properly la.. unless of cos ya ballz to big cant think lor.. so once again i had to reassure baby tht it wasn't her fault lo... well after tht she was really tooo tired to chat anymore and went to sleep.. guess wad u smsed me @ 236am asking me if i'm sleeping anot... i called u back bt u didnt pick up...sleeping? haha can sms while sleeping de ah?